sa asul na silid..

sa apat na sulok ng asul sa silid, maraming beses narinig ang halakhakan at tawanan.maraming sikreto ang ipinagkatiwala sa iba.marami ding nabunyag.dito sa silid na ito lumabas ang totoong damdamin ng mga tao.dito rin sa silid na ito bumaha ng luha.luha mula sa pagkatuwa, ngunit madalas ay luha mula sa hinagpis ng damdamin.

hindi pa siya ulit nagte-text

busy lang yun,o baka walang load.na mi-miss mo?

sa sobrang pagka-miss ko,yung mga naka-save na lang na messages niya binabasa ko ng paulit-ulit.sa tuwing tutunog yung phone ko,nag e-expect ako na pangalan niya yung makikita ko sa sender nung message.

hay.mahal mo na yan.hindi na biro yan ha.mahal mo na siya.


(hango sa pag-uusap ng magkaibigan sa asul na silid)

nine days..

as of writing this..

worse, my phone's memory card somehow reformatted itself (or whatever,i really don't know) and erased all my files.yes,including the precious text messages i've saved through time.medyo mababaw ata to para sa iba pero,basta.shit talaga.

nakakapanghinayang lang yung one folder which contains 298 messages, all from one special person.cheesy, pero i even saved the messages with just "ok", or "haha..".tapos ayun,nawala lahat.

amp.

"ok..ok..(insert smiley here)"

that was the last one..

sigh..

if i tell you i love you, will you hold it against me..?

I'm three episodes away from One Tree Hill Season 4's season finale, and yes, I'm definitely liking this season better that the third one. Haha.

"there comes a time when everything goes off course,in those desperate times,who will you be?will you let down your defenses?find solace in someone unexpected?will you reach out?will you face your greatest fears bravely?or move forward with faith?or will you succumb to the darkness in your soul.."

I first came across this american series just a year ago, thanks to my mom's God-given talent of dvd buying (pirated copies,of course.kuripot yun eh). I was bored with the first couple of episodes, but come episode ten, I was already "feeling" the story. Kadiri no? Haha. I finished season one in one weekend. The following week I finished season two. Haha. It took me a good six months before I could watch season three, thanks a lot to my schedule. Haha. And now, I'm nearing the end os season four. Gaaad. Too much "high school drama". Still, I'm not complaining. Haha.

"when light comes rushing at you out from darkness, who will you choose to face it with?will it be someone you trust?will they be wise?and will their love for you help them to guide you to the light, or will they lose their way in the darkness?will they make noble choices?or will that person be someone untested,someone new...

life comes rushing at you out of the darkness.when it does,is there someone in your life you can count on?someone who'll watch over you when you stumble and fall.and in that moment,give you the strength to face your fears alone.."

Can't wait for season five..

you might be single but you're not, and you'll never be alone..

haha.i got that phrase from a tv commercial in some channel and i mentioned it to one of my friend who sadly is experiencing the havoc of a recent break-up.it makes sense naman,diba?

anyways,i had a rough week.stress came from all over,but majority of it was from the clan.talk about being in demand.haha.i'm afraid the eyeliner we put on for every performance won't be washed away.haha.every night na ata, minsan twice a day pa kailangan maglagay.crap.going back, i mentioned to someone how street jazz gives me tension and adds up to my stress ors.good thing my academics are in somewhat good shape.but still, i shouldn't rest on my laurels.the semester's nearing its end i need to pull up my grades pa.sigh.

hay.now i can rest.

(until tomorrow lunchtime lang,we have rehearsals for the routine we'll be using for the university's centennial celebration next week)

sigh.

missin' you.

catch me..look into my eyes and reprimand me..

i steal glances every so often..

typical of those high school kids taking a look at their seat mate's answer, not wanting to be caught by the proctor..

i'm the student..

you're the proctor..

i steal glances every so often..

i wish someday you'd catch me..

on teamwork..

It's really quite unfair of you for not trusting us wholly with what we're about to do. I don't know if it's just plain mistrust you have against us, or you're just terrified of the fact that you wouldn't be with your "partner in crime". Good luck satin.

Anyways, this entry's title is only relevant to the previous paragraph.Haha.Obvious ba na wala na naman akong magawa.I'm spending my time (spending..or wasting?) somewhere outside the campus for my next class won't be until 4:00pm. Shit. That's like 10 minutes na lang pala. Have to go!

faint

a little more effort will surely go a long way, Chris..

sigh..

why do i love you..

why do I like you if liking you only mean sleepless nights, false hopes and dreams of loving you?

what more can I do but to dream of you because only there I could hold you close to me...

on "silogs" and "rockistas"

I always look forward to "on-my-own" Alabang trips. I had one a little earlier although my not so little anymore cousin accompanied me so that made it a "not-on-my-own" trip. Anyways, the trip was solely for business (re: in search for a black hoodie or a hooded jacket for that matter), and coffee of course. It's been like, 4 months since my cousin went with me and what better way to celebrate our mall rat-ness by eating at our favorite spot in the food court; Tapsi Plus. Haha. RJ and I are suckers for their tapsilog. Haha. Yummy talaga.

So there, after having our late lunch, we then went to Tribal to buy the black jacket that I spotted last night in Mall of Asia. Weird no? Haha. Anyways, as I stood there waiting for the sales lady to give me the size I asked for, this long haired,mustachy guy approached me and started blabbing about , get this : how I looked like a rockista. Shock of a lifetime. Come on. Of all possible times for a person to say that I look like a rocker, he said it when I was wearing a blue and light blue collared shirt, khaki cargo shorts, and blue slippers. Hay manong, how twisted can you be? Haha. Freaky, although I am a frustrated rocker (thanks to my non-rockista voice and non-rockista charm..lol), I was taken aback with what he said, where he said it, and when he said it. Twisted. Tsss.

Moving on, we don't have classes (again) tomorrow, thanks to a local celebration here in the land of buko pies and campus famous siomai, although I need to attend rehearsals for the Clan is really swamped with performances this week. Argh. Tell me guys, is it hard being us? Haha. God, we need some rest. And academic life. Good, no, excellent academic life. And out-of-the-clan social life. Haha.

I have this theory, if I continue my intense training, couple it with dieting (with lights on the side), I could be on the next Be Bench/ model search by next year. Haha. Good night y'all!

dead tired..

I'm not really tired from all the walking we did earlier during our field trip. The previous sleepless nights and not eating properly lately payed its toll on me. Sigh. I did enjoy (a little) but I wouldn't say that that trip is one for the books.

Want to, but I can't help it,
I love the way it feels,
It's got me stuck between my fantasy
And what is real.
I need it when I want it,
I want it when I don't.
Tell myself I'll stop everyday
Knowin that I won't.

We drove for three hours to get to Norzagaray, Bulacan to visit the Angat Watershed Reserve. I was really beaten up with the "kakarag-karag" feeling during the drive, but the exhaustion quickly faded when I saw the lush green vegetation in the vicinity of the watershed. Green is love. Haha. After practicing our "pagkukunwaring nakikinig sa lecture" and posing for the camera skills, we then went to Ipo Dam. Yes, for another set of picture taking. Hay, people these days oh. Haha. We capped off the educational trip with our visit to La Mesa Eco Park, where we had our uber late lunch and took some (now really?) pictures.

got a problem and I
[Don't know what to do about it]
Even if I did,
I don't if I would quit,
But I doubt it
I'm taken by the thought of it,
And I know that much is true
Baby, you have become my addiction
I'm so strung out on you
Baby-boo, but I like it.

I was really really happy with the van assignments for I was grouped with the people whom I often talk to while in class (RE: while in class). Bentang-benta ang mga jokes ni Eljei. I almost had stomach cramps lalo na with his "socialization" stint.

Think of it every second
I'm thinkin nothin but,
Only concern is the next time,
I'm gon get me some
Know I should stay away from,
Cuz it's no good for me
I try and try but my obsession
Won't let me leave

Anyways, we were given two hours to roam around MOA and we took this chance to do things that would make up for the boring-ness (word check please) of that day. We had our dinner in Sbarro (I had a slice of Chicago Deep Dish pizza and a half order of Baked Zitti in White Sauce; complimented by numerous "tak-taks" of their granulated garlic and dried chili peppers), saw Pilita Corales, had coffee in Starbucks (with lights on the side..), and roamed around some more before finally returning to our vans to go home.

And it's all because of you
And it's all because....
Never givin' up,
She's the sweetest touch...

Honestly, my day would've been so boring, dreadful even, if it weren't for some people/person who patiently exchanged messages with me the whole day. Haha. Thanks for the "company"!

dam it..

No, I did not misspell the word. I'm really pertaining to the dams that we'll be visiting later for the trip in nasc10. Sheesh. I hope I enjoy this one.

Procrastination to the next level. Pati ba naman sa pag-prepare ng gamit for the trip.

I've downloaded a couple of songs from Yellow Card (nakakahiya kay tisa papaya,first time kong ma-encounter yung band na yun) and Taylor Swift.

Hai.

This is going nowhere.

Idlip na nga lang ako.

sana..

sana makapag-shift na ako..
sana magawa ko ng maayos ang trabaho ko..
sana maging maayos tayo..
sana makilala ko siya..
sana kilalanin niya rin ako..
sana ma-appreciate niyo ang pag-sayaw ko..yung pag-galaw ng katawan..at hindi yung pag-a-attitude lang..

you need to try this out..swear..

Okay, I'm am now a fan of www.addictinggames.com, thanks to Teejei. And I'm seriously hooked with this Impossible Quiz 2 game. Hay naku. You think you can finish it? Go, give it a try. Haha.



Naka-ilang mura ako dahil diyan sa game na 'yan.

Play it here.

hot-pants pa..?

In your face Sir Benjamin Bartolome! Haha!

Eto ka! Amph!

After three months of endless discussions about hot-pants (ung mga shorts daw dati ng babae na ngayon at kilala na natin as PP shorts), mga advisees niya na nabuntis, mga lugar na pinuntahan niya,kung gaano niya ka-mahal ang mga aso niya (now that explains the funny smell..lol), mga awards niya nung kabataanan niya, at kung anu-ano pang barberong kwento, eh naisip din niyang magkaroon kami ng exam. Ay, nag-discuss rin naman siya ng tungkol sa Human Ecology, pero mga 15% lang ng time namin every meeting ang ginugugol niya doon.

Ang sarap ng feeling na mag-e-exam ka at alam mong nag-ready ka para doon. Ang sarap ng feeling na nasa-ulo mo lahat ng nasa notes mo at pati notes ng katabi mo. Ang sarap ng feeling ng matapos ang exam na good for an hour and a half in just 10 minutes. Haha.

Wala lang. Sabog na naman ako.

not even herbal medicine could relieve..

Could this day be any worse?

I jumped out of bed as I heard my cell phone alarm go off. I looked at it with my left eye and saw that that it was only 7:30am. Whew. Insert sigh of relief here. Glad I woke up earlier that before. I put off the alarm and decided to lay still in my bed for another couple of minutes. To bathe in the early morning sun shine gleaming from my windows. Slowly my eyelids felt heavy once again and I was back in dreamland.

Amph! 9:30am. Yeah. I missed my Microbiology lecture, once again. Heavy sigh of depression. I quickly sent Roy (my brod slash anak slash seatmate in micro lect slash labmate also) a message and asked what have I missed. He replied with "Wala naman. Nag-discuss lang si ma'am. At nag-quiz. Pero 5 points lang naman". Kamote. Well after my five-minute disappointment period, I went back to sleep, only to be waken up by that certain someone to discuss about tat certain something that I've been planning to do in the months to come. Sigh. Ding-ding-ding-ding! You guessed it right! I'm talking about my tita and her conquest to stop me from renting an apartment. She eventually "brainwashed" my mom and convinced my mom not to pursue with my plan. She even promised to fetch me from campus every time. Kahit daw alas-5 ng umaga kakaunin niya ko. Ganun? Subukan natin. Sorry pero bahala ka. Moving on.

Migraine quickly hit after that conversation. I decided to leave the house early even though my class is not until 4:00pm. I spent my time looking through Robinsons Department Store and bought stuff for my outfit this coming Thursday. Grabe, hanngang dito, badtrip pa rin ako. Ask TJ pa. Argh.

Not even the lively and katatawanan filled reporting in Human Ecology 1 flipped my mood. I just don't get it why my mom and tita are so uptight. Come on. I'm nineteen already. Haven't I proven myself to them that I won't be doing things that might be bad for me? Haven't I given them everything that they've wanted evervsince I was in elementary? Nasasakal na 'ko sa bahay. Hindi na 'ko masaya. And one more thing, I have yet to discover and experience the real world on my own. I want this. I need this.

Breath, Chris. Whew.

The title of this entry actually came from a conversation I overheard while I was staying in CHE lobby.

Girl 1: Ui, natapos mo na yung research paper mo?

Girl 2: Naku,hindi pa nga eh. Ang hirap kasi ng topic ko. Herbal medicine.

***herbal should be pronounced with a silent "h" right? she pronounced it with an emphasis on the "h".sorry miss,kupal mode ako.haha.

I should stop skipping meals. It's doing me no good.
I should stop staying up late. It's doing me no good.
I should stop drinking and smoking. It's doing me no good.
I should stop loving you. It's doing me no good.

extra extra..

Nope, this entry won't be about the show hosted by Paolo Bediones, Miriam Quiambao, and Ethel Booba. And I'm also not going to talk about why I buy extra rice every single time I eat (of course pag may ulam lang naman..di ata magandang bumili ng extra rice kung quarter pounder or mojos ang i-oorder mo sa iziz diba..?). So, para saan itong entry na 'to? I myself do not know, seriously. Let the fingers with their own minds take over.

I'm a loser right now. As in. I still haven't finished reading Paulo Coelho's The Zahir. I've got By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept, waiting in line, and also Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom; the latter I bought a couple of weeks ago in Power Books Festival Supermall Branch and is still inside the brown paper packaging of the book store. Gaaad, where are my reading juices?! Maybe I'm just busy with academics and rehearsals. Haha! Scapegoat. Excuses. Amph.

Speaking of extras, I saw "Ang Buhay ay Pelikula" a while ago and I'm so proud of my batch mate Maui Mendoza. Haha. Extra lang siya pero mind you, even if she's literally a nobody in the play, she proved that her talent's at par with the lead characters. More performances to come Maui! Good job! P.S: If ever you shall need an extra (o sige na, kahit bida) you know where to reach me.. *wink wink*

Remember the exam I was talking about in my previous entry? Amph. Grabe. Doon ako na-test to make twelve freakin' sentences out of an answer na kayang kayang i-explain in two to three sentences. Puro palabok na nalagay ko sa papel ko. Sigh. Bakit ganun Sir Racelis? Nasc10 po ang subject natin. Hindi pa po ako BA Communication Arts student na nag ma-major in Creative Writing! Amph ka sir. Amph!

This entry is getting extra senseless na no.. Pagbigyan niyo na lang ako..

Why do I get the feeling that you're slowly falling for him? I wouldn't know really but hello, you've been with him since last month. He's always with you. And I'm always not. Even I am confused. What do I really really really really feel for you? What do you really really really really feel for me? And what about him? I can't blame you if you choose him over me. I'm not worthy. I hope you and I could get through this. Read. You, and I. Not us. I'm not hoping anymore.

Sigh. Strawberry ice cream might cheer me up. Anyone care to give me?

absence with consent..oh ha, oh ha..

Being the "reformed" student that I am, I struggled through my Microbiology laboratory a while ago even though I was only blessed with a couple of hours pass to dreamland. Yeah, thanks to my all-day-sleeping-fit yesterday, I slept around 4:00am kanina then woke up after two hours. No wonder my head aches. Sigh.

Microbio was fun. Haha! I spent the morning washing and taking dirt off of mustasa leaves and stems which we'll use for the burong mustasa. That's fermented or cured mustard leaves and stalks for those of you who can't understand tugalowg. Anyways, I managed to survive the three-hour laboratory and headed straight home. Hay. Ang layo ng bahay namin ha. I can't wait to rent my own apartment na. Hay ulit.

I sent my mom a message saying that I'll skip my Humanities 1 class (11:30am-1:00pm) for I really really need to sleep. Lo and behold, she agreed and even made pasabi to people in our house to prepare food for me. Aww. Touching. Haha. Oh wait, I just got hold of news that my Philosophy 1 class for today (1:00pm-2:30pm) will not meet. Wuhoo! Thank you Sir Gianan! Yaan nio, gagalingan ko sa performance namin sa Philo Night! Thanks din to Glenn Manipol for texting me 'bout the very much appreciated news. Haha!

Amp. I'ma go sleep now. I'ma wake up a couple of hours from now and start studying for my NASC10 second exam later at 4:00pm. Sigh. Mental note: GE subject to..Dapat lang mataas grade mo, Chris!

Oh,last na talaga 'to. I'ma watch the Thespian Circle Production later pala as a partial requirement for Philosophy 1. It's Dennis Marasigan's "Ang Buhay ay Pelikula". With that, I end my entry with

"Mara Paulina Marasigan, kamusta ka na..?"

..news flash..

I need slash want new shoes.Nah.Medyo ayoko na ng Converse Weapon (dahil meron na sila Kuya Erik,Kuya Louie,at Kuya Noel).Nag "fall out of love" na rin ako sa Nike Dunk High for two reasons. First, meron nang ganoon si Fortune, and secondly, mahal siya talaga. Haha.

Gusto ko ng Concerse Cons 2. Or kahit Nike Dunk Low na lang. Basta ayoko ng may kapareho. Haha.

segundo..

another "phlog" written, rather typed kaninang 5:15am..

na sa kahit sasandaling panahon ika'y 'di sinasaisip..ang tanging alalahanin ay kung papaano ko hihithitin at ibubuga ang usok..sa konting sandaling iyon, doon lamang kita nalilimot..

on human ecology and stuff..

21 August 2007

CERP Seminar Room, CHE, UPLB

Human Ecological world views are the..

depression dawned on me as I walked alone
recounting the times that are now gone
your hair,eyes,lips and all
thinking of these, I could only mourn

wishfully I think of the times we've had
from climbing trees and walking hand in hand
all that's left of you is just a memory
leaving myself with pain and misery

mad I was to let you go
now I feel my soul's getting low
everything seems to go by so slow
if it comes back for me, surely I'll go

till death our love shan't die
hush now darling, do not cry
i can now face death with less fear
for it's the only way to be with you again my dear

-Contact by chris belison

So obviously hindi ako nakakopya ng notes nung araw na yon. Thanks to my "ka-kornihan". Haha. Immature lil poem for all you guys out there.